Guiding Light
by shockin'blueeyes
Summary: Castiel's lost without Anna. Oneshot


_Well, just because I can, I'm gonna make a very angsty and totally nonsense fic. I just feel that these two would've made a very nice couple, but following the supernatural tradition, the girl died, so..._

_Enjoy it, and review please, even if I don't think it's my best fic. The song is Guiding Light, by Muse. Very, very weird song, and I had sometimes trouble matching the letters with the story, so sorry if it doesn't make any sense._

_Here it goes, enjoy it! And, for the love of Eric Cripkle, review!_

_I own supernatural, that's why the shirts are still needed in the show, and why jo and anna are dead._

* * *

_Pure hearts and stumble_

_In my hands they crumble_

Castiel sat in the bench, staring into space. He could not help but wonder where Anna was now. She was gone… He was an angel, so he believed in Heaven, but didn't think that was where Anna went. When he died, he didn't feel anything, and a second later he was hole again. He wished Anna didn't feel anything, but he new better. He new it hurt, and that God wasn't resuscitating Anna anytime soon. The wind brushed his face, and he closed his eyes, dealing with the rush of feelings that overwhelmed him.

_And fragile and stripped to the core_

_I can't hurt you anymore_

When the angels got her, he almost disobeyed. He almost jumped and yanked her from their arms, but he didn't. Because he saw the pain and the disbelief in her eyes. He then realised he'd hurt her, and that he'd lost her forever, and that feeling just increased when he confronted her in the alley. The only positive thing he could extract from this situation was that at least he wouldn't hurt her again. He wouldn't have to see the pain in her eyes.

_Loved by numbers_

_You loosing, life's wonder_

_And touch like strangers detached_

_I can't feel you anymore_

When she fell, his world came crushing down. For what seemed like an eternity, he stood where she had jumped, looking down where his partner had fell. He felt hollow. The soothing, calming voice that had been there his whole existence, the one that belonged to Anna, was gone. He couldn't sense her. She was gone. Just like now, only this time was definitive.

_And sunshine, trapped in ours hearts_

_It could rise again, but I'm lost_

_And crushed_

When the orders of killing a fallen angel came, he knew it was her. And the hole in his mind, the one where Anna's voice belonged, crushed deeper into his soul, through his heart and his entire body. At first he didn't now what it was, but then he understood. The horrible crushing feeling was loneliness.

_I'm cold and confused with no guiding light left inside_

_You were my guiding light_

When she said it was time he made his own decisions, he wanted to scream, to tell her that he couldn't, not without her. But he didn't, and she left. And with that, he confirmed what he already knew: she was his guiding light. With her bright hair, that was like a halo around her head, and the spark in her eyes, that made her seem always alert and ready… she was like a shooting star. A fallen star. But a bright and guiding light, after all.

_And come from and wont come befouled I still reach for you_

_But I'm lost and I'm crushed_

_I'm cold and confused with no guiding light left inside_

Cas buried his head in his hands, and left out a sigh, that came out very near a crooked and broken one. Now that he was cast out of Heaven, the human emotions were getting to him, and he felt even more the crushing feeling. It was practically a physical one. He looked up to the clouded twilight sky, and looked down again quickly, because it was like the sky mirrored his feelings. There was no light in it. Near him, a bird jumped around in circles, unable to take flight. He stood up, and walked away, knowing that the bird was like him. Lost.

_You're my guiding light_

_You're my guiding light_

All the centuries in Heaven, all the time spent together, were now hunting him. Her smile, her hair, her eyes, her intelligence… And he transported himself out of the park, and to the alley he last saw her. He slumped to a wall, and buried his head in his hands once again, wishing that when he looked up again, Anna would be by his side, lighting his world, guiding him, just like in the old days.

_There is no guiding light left inside_

_There's no guiding light in us._

But when he looked up again, the alley was still silent and dark, and not even the lamps where functioning. He left out a breath, and this one definitely came back as a broken one. He stayed there, surrounded by darkness, until the sun came back again. But it was hollow. Just like him. With no light inside, like him. And at that moment he felt a single tear rolling down his cheek. But he didn't care. What was the point? Anna was gone. His own guiding light was gone. He felt another tear coming down.

* * *

I warned, total nonsense! I don't know if I'll make more Cas/Anna fics in the future, let me know if you want.


End file.
